Being prepared to ask the tough question

  • Published
  • By Col. Jeff Nelson
  • 6oth Air Mobility Wing commander

TRAVIS AIR FORCE BASE, Calif. – As the Air Force grapples with the increasing number of suicides, how to determine the underlying causes, and how to respond, I encourage each of us to be ready to ask the tough question to our coworkers, friends and family members. While this is by no means “the” answer to our challenges, it may help save someone or at least show them you care about them.

The tough question I am referring to may be as direct as asking, “Do you feel like hurting yourself or anyone else?”  Until you ask that question to an individual that is dealing with a difficult situation, you may not fully understand how challenging it will be for you to ask.  

Those people that did ask the tough question were able to notice something was not quite right because they knew the individual well enough to see a change in their normal actions or something they said caused them concern.  As a response, they asked the individual if he or she needed help, took the person to help, or referred the person to a helping agency. None of which are easy.

A couple of years ago, I met with a young officer to notify him I was recommending he not be promoted due to recent disciplinary action. He was removed from the last promotion list for the same incident. He had a strong desire to continue to serve, but I had to tell him that was not going to be possible. I could tell he was disappointed with the news. As we sat there, I asked him if he felt like hurting himself or anyone else. He told me no. Then, he thanked me for asking. I was shocked. I soon realized he appreciated that I was considering all he was dealing with at the time. 

This is just one example. The tough question you may be faced with asking may take a different form. Regardless of the situation, asking the question may lead to someone understanding you are there for them and want to help them in whatever situation they are dealing with.

Each of us must consider what we can do to stop the increase in suicides in our beloved Air Force, including being prepared to ask the tough question.