Mentoring, not one size fits all objective

  • Published
  • By Col. Nancy Brooks
  • 349th Mission Support Group
TRAVIS AIR FORCE BASE, Calif. --  In the Air Force, we often mentor others by listing a prescribed set of career objectives and the steps needed to achieve each level.

It feels like a flight readiness checklist: technical school Check. Community College of the Air Force? Check. Bachelor's degree? Check. Master's degree? Check. Professional military education? Check. Deployment? Check. Joint operational experience? Check. Check. Check. Is this real mentoring?


Is this what our Airmen are searching for when seeking guidance?

The first step in mentoring should always be to listen. Each person comes to us with different backgrounds, values and goals. Do we take the time to learn each person's history? Do we listen to what is important to the individual? Do we take the time to help list their values? Do we set up individualized goals for each person?

The second and most difficult step in mentoring is accepting and supporting values that don't always mesh with our own. This doesn't mean we tolerate values that are abhorrent to us or that defy society's norms, but that we are generally open to others' priorities and life choices.

Of course, as members of the Air Force, we all agree that the values of integrity, service before self, and excellence in all we do, are at the top of our list. But beyond that, what's important to the person you're mentoring? Is it religion, family, health, education, money, tolerance or volunteerism? Ask questions to draw out the individual. Try to find out what they value most and what success might look like to them. Ask questions such as, "What would you do right now if you had nothing stopping you?" "What would you do if you had an infinite amount of time?" "What activities make you feel the most fulfilled?" Questions such as these help individuals consider what might be their greatest desires.
The third step of mentoring is helping prioritize and de-conflict values and, in effect, goals. Conflicting sets of values can lead to stress and usually have to be resolved before realistic goals can be set and achieved. Some of life's greatest agonies are caused by trying to live up to the values others esteem rather than defining our own and building a purposeful life around them.

The book "Life by Design" by Dr. Rick Kirschner and Dr. Rick Brinkman defines values as "sets of personal principles by which you guide your life." Each person will have subsets of values, for example, the values they use to define their military service, the values used to parent their children or the values used to define their relationships. All of these subsets of values must be compatible to provide a sense of wholeness to the individual.

The fourth step in mentoring is setting realistic and achievable goals. We've all set goals for ourselves and helped others set goals. "Life by Design" uses a simple approach that breaks down into five steps:

1. Brainstorm.
2. Categorize (career, family, finances, etc.).
3. Write down the value fulfilled by the goal.
4. Define which ideas are realistic.
5. Set the goal.

There's no doubt this individualized approach to mentoring will take longer than the traditional military checklist approach. However, it will be more rewarding and you'll ultimately be more successful.