Patience, empathy help in resolving conflicts

  • Published
  • By Chief Master Sgt. Antonio Brock
  • 571st Contingency Response Group chief enlisted manager
TRAVIS AIR FORCE BASE, Calif. --  Most of us have begun working on our new year's resolutions. Rather than write about the common ones such as eating healthier or exercising more. I would like to write about one that I feel we can all benefit from: conflict resolution.

The Air Force has a diverse population. We come from all walks of life, from all over the globe with many different values. Naturally, there is going to be some conflict. What I would like to provide are a few simple lessons that I have learned during the years that can help make conflict resolution a little easier to deal with.

First, you must have patience. We always want immediate solutions to the problems or issues life throws at us. However, conflict does not have an easy button we can push and make it go away.

Patience is a hard trait to learn, but it is one that you should master. Have patience with the individual you are having a problem with. Do not let your frustration get the best of you and make things worse. Quick actions resulting from hot emotions lead to bad consequences.

Second, you must have empathy. Try to put yourself in the other person's shoes and see things from their perspective. Perspective is a personal thing that we all have.

Only you know how you truly see things and how it makes you feel. Understand the same goes for the other person. While you may not always agree with another individual, try to see things through their eyes. Even if they may be wrong, you can still gain an understanding of what they are feeling and it can help you come to a resolution much faster.

Finally, you must communicate effectively. Communication is hard to do. Conflict involves a lot of emotion. This can lead to turbulence which takes conflict to higher levels. Try to control your emotions so that you can effectively communicate.

The hardest part of communication is open talks. You can overcome that by having the courage to jump into it. Some things you can do to help open communication are to ask the person at a neutral site like a coffee house. This will make the environment less threatening to the other person because there is no home-field advantage.

Start by telling the facts how you see it and how they made you feel. A great way to start is using something like, "I understand you are upset with me and I can see how you may feel. However, when you did XYZ, it made me feel ABC." Once you get through that first part, the rest will just naturally flow.

Empathize with the individual and have patience as they talk. Do not interrupt them. You will find that your side and their side of the story will actually come to a middle ground in most situations. I have used this personally and have asked my co-workers to do it. It is rewarding to see them come back laughing and talking as if the conflict never happened.

Conflict is hard and is a reality that we each have to face. Remember, you cannot control what others do nor how they react to life's challenges, but you can control how you react to those challenges.

Stay in control of your actions and emotions. Have the courage to open communication and do not be afraid to say sorry when you are wrong.