Thank you for the feedback

  • Published
  • By Chief Master Sgt. Kimberly Green
  • 60th Aerospace Medicine Squadron

TRAVIS AIR FORCE BASE, Calif. – A few years ago, as a staff sergeant, I thought I was the most experienced member on one particular honor guard detail charged with providing final honors to a retiree. 

Several factors came together to make this a challenging detail such as having new teammates with little experience, a difficult approach to the grave site and carrying a very heavy, wooden casket. Later, I found myself mentally picking apart every error, and after a very quiet ride back to base, I told our team every mistake they made and what a disgrace this detail was to the veteran we were supposed to be honoring. 

Afterward, as I was walking to my car one of the new team members, Senior Airman Conner, called out to me, “Can I talk to you for a second? We know we didn’t do a great job, but you could have handled that differently.”

I was taken aback and reflected for a moment. He was absolutely right. Had I been more mature and disciplined to key in on their non-verbals I would have seen they were already beating themselves up and this was not a time to crush their spirits. Instead, I should have taken the time to sit down and talk through each movement, discuss what happened, and explain how we could do it better next time while sharing advice.

I screwed up. I missed an opportunity to be a real leader. The real leader in that situation was the senior airman who offered some much needed feedback. 

I share this story to illustrate that we can be quick to criticize and complain about the behavior of others, but how often do we confront the behavior to offer calm, rational thoughts, observations, and facts regarding the situation? Typically we find it is fear and discomfort that hold us back, so I would like to offer a few tips for starting what could be thought of as a difficult conversation:

1. Request time. This may include getting together for coffee, a walk, lunch or a calendar meeting.

2. Provide a neutral opener to the conversation and lead into the issue with, ‘I noticed…,’ ‘It was brought to my attention…,’ ‘I heard….’

3. Directly identify the root of the issue with, ‘The thing that concerns me most about this is…,’ ‘The perception is…,’ ‘It was inappropriate because…’

4. Provide a suggestion on what would be appropriate the next time a similar situation arises or, better yet, prompt the member to generate another course of action.

In the ever evolving world of digital communication, we run the risk of forgetting how to converse with a person. If the subject matter is perceived to be difficult, then it may seem even more daunting. We are taught in basic training that the first thing we are supposed to do if we have a problem is speak to that person. Use your voice and speak up. If there is a disciplinary concern and you are not sure what to do, seek out your first sergeant for some advice.

And last but not least, if you find yourself on the receiving end of one of these conversations, the correct response is, “Thank you for the feedback.” Fight the urge to get defensive. How else are we going to learn about our blind spots? There is no need for hurt feelings, no need for a lengthy explanation as to why you did or said what you did and there is no need to take the comment as a personal attack; it is feedback. It is meant to help you grow into a stronger leader, the same way Conner helped me.