Stand up against dating violence Published Feb. 6, 2015 By Deborah Bechtel 60th Medical Operations Squadron TRAVIS AIR FORCE BASE, Calif. -- February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. The Family Advocacy program at David Grant USAF Medical Center is hosting events to reflect its theme, "Don't Stand By, Stand Up." Activities include a poster contest with the theme "Digital Dating Violence" and a bowling event for teens. For the romantics among us, it is difficult to separate the month of February from Valentine's Day. The day for many of us is symbolized by everything red and heart-shaped surrounded by winged cupids. However, to break the cycle of abuse, our young people need to know the risks as well as the joy that falling in love can bring. The following information obtained from Caring Unlimited, a domestic violence resource center based in York County, Maine provides valuable knowledge for all parents to aid in recognizing the early warning signs that their young person is involved in a harmful relationship. Is your teenager in an abusive relationship? Dating abuse is a pattern of behavior, attitudes and beliefs that seek to exert power and control over another person in a dating relationship. A dating relationship is defined as a person involved in an intimate or romantic association with another person, regardless of length or exclusivity of the relationship. Dating abuse happens to young people from every socio-economic group regardless of race, religion, academic ability or economic background. Tactics used in youth dating abuse include one or more of the following: · Emotional or psychological abuse: Verbal abuse such as name calling, humiliation, manipulation and guilt trips, possessiveness or excessive jealousy, monitoring phone calls and text messages, isolation from friends and family, intimidation, yelling and screaming, threats to damage reputation, sabotage at school or work, forcing participation in unhealthy behaviors such as substance use, harassment or stalking after separation and more. · Physical abuse: Threats of violence, throwing things, restraining, destruction or control of property, hitting, slapping, shoving, grabbing, choking, using weapons to intimidate and more. · Sexual abuse: Includes spreading sexual rumors, sexual jokes or humiliation, sabotaging birth control or refusing to use protection, sexual assault and rape. What you might see if your child is in an abusive relationship · Isolation: Does your child have fewer friends than before the relationship began? In order to consolidate their control in the relationship, abusive partners seek to impose isolation on the victim, first from friends, then from outside activities and then from family. · Emotional changes: In the early infatuation stage of any relationship people are often happy. Once abuse begins the victim often begins feeling sad and desperate. · Constant communication: Does your child's boy or girlfriend constantly call or text and insist on always knowing where your child is, what they are doing, who they are with, what time they will be back and to whom he or she has spoken to? · Jealousy issues: You might notice the boy or girlfriend's jealousy. If your child looks at or speaks casually with another person, does this upset the partner? · Need to impress: Is your child receiving lots of "advice" about choices in friends, hairstyle, clothes or makeup? Does your child feel the need to comply with this "advice?" Your child may be in fear of what will happen if the advice isn't followed. · Making excuses: Your child might stick-up for the boy or girlfriend, defending their words and actions. Trust your gut. How you can help "Teens are often reluctant to talk with their parents because they are afraid they will be judged or blamed for the violence," said Harmonee Isenbarger-Ellis, 60th Medical Operations Squadron Family Advocacy Program outreach manager. "Teens may not recognize the warning signs of abuse in their relationships." If you suspect your teenager is being abused: Do: - Give your child a chance to talk. Stay calm. Listen without judging them. Believe them. - Use clear language to describe what you see is happening. - Acknowledge that they are in a difficult and scary situation. Tell them that you are concerned for their safety and well-being and that you are there for them. - Ask them what they would like to have happen, how can you help them be safe. - Keep the lines of communication open. - Educate yourself -- access online resources. Don't: - Try to rescue them. Resist this natural impulse. It will likely shut them down. - Blame them for the abuse or make them feel judged. - Punish them because of an abusive partner. - Criticize their partner -- you don't want them taking energy to defend the person. For more information regarding upcoming events for Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, contact DGMC's Family Advocacy Program at 423-5168.